Watching Mars Needs Moms, I couldn’t help wondering how long this script has been lying around at Disney before it was discovered, dusted off, and foisted on the world. Since the 40s maybe? 50s? In fact, I originally thought it was some kind of 50s spoof, and was expecting bouffant hairdo’s and little green men, which actually would have been enjoyable.

Instead, what we have here is a very modern computer animated movie on a very old fashioned theme. Maybe its got something to do with the director, Simon Wells, being the great grandson of H.G. Wells, but honestly, everything about this story is so outdated it’s laughable.

Milo is nine, and he’s just told his Mom he’d be better off without her - they had a squabble over some broccoli. Why is is always the broccoli? Some kids actually like it. Milo fed his to the cat. Why did it make the cat sick? Our cat loves it. Anyway, shortly after Mom goes off to bed, all hurt by her child’s cruel remark, the Martians come and get her, because they, unlike Milo, need Moms.

Where’s dad? you are probably thinking. Is this Mom some poor but gallant single mother struggling to raise her child alone? Nah, he’s off on a business trip, leaving her to put up with the brat he’s fathered. Good grief, it’s as if women’s lib never happened.

But wait, as Milo scrambles aboard the Martian ship in a desperate bid to save Mom, and gets whisked off to Mars instead, we are about to find out the real agenda here. The Martian females are in fact a very nasty mob of women’s libbers who refuse to raise their own children, and instead steal moms from earth so they can use their mothering instincts to program robot nannies, after which the drained out human corpse is disposed of. Yeah, that’s what I thought too. This is a kid’s movie?

Martian males are kept underground - literally - like mushrooms, although what function they perform in the Martian baby making process is not clear - baby Martians spring fully formed out of the ground. Whoa, try explaining that to your curious little darlings.

Lucky for Milo, he runs into another human on Mars - how convenient, a grown up man called Gribble who similarly stowed away on a Martian ship when his Mom was taken, but had to hide out on Mars when Mom was destroyed. Sheesh. Sleep well, kiddies.

The purpose of all this is somehow to convince us that the Martians once enjoyed regular nuclear family bliss before those terrible woman emasculated their men and dumped the kids on robot nannies so they could selfishly pursue careers - or something. Milo’s Mom turns it all around by showing the Martian females that earth moms are really made of loving and nurturing awesomeness.

You know what, this may be masquerading as a sweet kid’s movie full of mother love and wholesome values, but if it smells like brainwashing, it probably is.

I saw this movie using my own funds.