Have you heard this one? A 22nd century restaurant critic had his first meal on the Moon. The food was good, but he said the place had no atmosphere.

We don’t think every joke is funny, but jokes are still popular because we like to laugh. Smiling and laughing is actually good for you. It’s good for your blood pressure, your heart and your immune system. I can’t guarantee the laughs, but I’ve collected some jokes on astronomy themes, ranging from ones the kids might like to more technical ones. I hope some of them at least make you smile.

For kids


For adults

Adults and children tend to laugh at different things. In labeling this as adult humor, it doesn’t mean there’s anything you’d want to hide from the children.

We’ve seen lots of great pictures of colliding galaxies from space telescopes and large ground-based ones. But did you hear that the latest photograph of distant colliding galaxies is so detailed that you can see lawyers rushing to the scene?

“Black holes have mass? ... I didn't even know they were Catholic.”

"Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things." — Woody Allen

I love the little poems called grooks by the great Danish scientist and writer, Piet Hein (1905-1996),

Nothing is Indispensable
(Grook to warn the universe against megalomania)
The universe may be as great as they say.
But it wouldn't be missed if it didn't exist.
Big news! Scientists have decoded the first message from an alien civilization What did it say?
Simply send 6 x 10⁵⁰ atoms of hydrogen to the star system at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum!
IT REALLY WORKS!
For geeks

I’ve avoided including jokes that absolutely don’t make sense to non-astronomers. However the following ones need a bit of background knowledge, so there are some notes for anyone unsure of the science.

A spiral galaxy walks into a pub. The landlord says “Sorry mate, you’re barred.”

A barred spiral is one type of spiral galaxy. To find out more about galaxies, click on the link “What Is a Galaxy” at the end of this article.

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped for speeding. The policeman says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'

Werner Heisenberg (1901-1976) was one of the giants of quantum mechanics, best known for his uncertainty principle. One thing the principle says is that at the quantum level position and momentum (movement) are complementary. The more you know about one, the less you know about the other. If you know the precise position of a particle, you can’t know anything about how it’s moving.

A black hole is where God divided by zero.

The result of division by zero is popularly thought of as infinity. The density of a black hole can be considered infinite, because it’s a considerable mass occupying a single point in space, a singularity.

Everything in the Universe is rushing away from you at ever-increasing speed. . . . Maybe you need some new breath mints?

Of course, it’s not you. However the Universe is expanding, so galaxies are all moving apart from each other at high speed. This was Edwin Hubble’s discovery.

For everybody
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.