Guest Author - Lori Phillips
Women today are liberated from so many culturally-imposed limitations of the past. We have the right to pursue education, to choose if and when we marry or bear children, to fulfill vocational dreams and to voice our ideas without fear.
If we're so free, why are we burnt out, frustrated, exhausted, unfulfilled and lining up at the pharmacy for Prozac refills? We complain about societal pressures to wear the right clothes, drive the right car, own the right house in the right neighborhood. Our kids need to attend the right school and sport activities. They have to have the same computer games and shoes as all the other kids. To afford all this, we need more money which keeps us grinding at the office, then rushing home to spend it all and then do it all over again.
There are pressures to perform at the office and live up to other people’s expectations. And of course, there is the obligation to be a productive, contributing citizen and get behind one of the many good causes out there to save the whales, feed the orphans, defend the oppressed, cure the ill, liberate the captive and so much more.
We women are amazing creatures with the ability to do so so much! For once in the course of the history of women, we can have it all. But while we can have it all, we don’t have to do it all and we certainly cannot do it all at once.
The good news is that as adult women we decide what our lives will be about. If yours is overwhelming and pressure-filled, chances are, you’re allowing it to happen. Here are some pressure traps of our own making:
1. We have high expectations for ourselves. We want things, we want accomplishments, we want love and happy lives. Noble goals but if the pursuit becomes soul-eroding, we need to reconsider our desires because the process should be joyful.
2. We want to live up to the expectations of others. We want to look good in the eyes of others and impress our boss, in-laws and friends. We don’t want to disappoint people.
3. We attach our self worth to what we accomplish. Our identities are linked to what we do. But you are more than what you do. Find out who you are underneath all of your roles and accomplishment. You will be amazed to learn that you are a magnificent being just for being you.
4. We hold ideals of what makes a good life, good family, good children, and good career. But ideals usually are lofty and unrealistic. It’s funny but when you lower stringent standards, the quality of love, peace and joy increases.
For most of us, the bottom line is we want a happy life. Happiness is a simple concept. We complicate happiness because we mistakenly believe that happiness is outside of ourselves. Nothing outside—no accomplishment, no material goods, no other person-- can bring you lasting happiness if you lack the self awareness to be happy within. Aren’t you shocked when newspaper reports a suicide of a person who seemed to have it all?
Dump the pressure to conceive children, buy the right house or land that great job. Do your best, but, let life/God/the Universe work out the rest because there is a higher purpose for your life and forces at work to bring the right experiences into your life for your growth and evolution.
So take the pressure off of yourself. You are an amazing human being as you are now. You are a significant, valued person—now—without having to accomplish anything, without having to do anything to “earn” this virtue. The most important ideal to uphold is simply to love yourself and others. Nothing else matters. From that love, an amazing life will unfold, effortlessly. And that, my friend, is living simply.
