compiled by Beverly Mackie

1. On what day of the year do women talk least?
****On the shortest day.

2. With what two animals do you always go to bed?
****Two calves.

3. What is the end to which all like to come?
****A divid-end.

4. Why should one never complain of the price of a car ticket?
****It is a fare thing.

5. What is a heavy incidental expense?
****Having one's tooth filled.

6. When is a clock on the stairs dangerous?
****When it runs down.

7. What hands are those which work night and day, yet never wear out; which, although they strike, do not stop?
****Clock hands.

8. Why is a gooseberry tart like a bad coin?
****Because it's not currant (current).


9. What is that which, although only four inches long and three inches wide, contains a solid foot?
****A shoe.

10. If you lose a dollar to-day, why would it be a good plan to lose another to-morrow?
*****So as to make your loss a-gain.

11. What constitutes a weighty discourse?
*****First to ann-ounce a text, then to ex-pound it.

12. Why is a four-quart measure like a sidesaddle?
*****They both hold a gal(l)on.


13. How can you shoot one hundred and twenty hares at one shot?
*****Fire at a wig.

14. How many peas in a pint?
*****One.

15. Why are the hours from one to twelve like good Christians?
*****Because they are always on the watch.

16. What is a waste (waist) of time?
*****The middle of an hour glass.

17. What fruit is on a cent?
*****A date.

18. When does a donkey weigh least?
*****When he is within the pound.

19. What is the oldest piece of furniture in the world?
*****The multiplication table.

20. When is a pint of milk not a pint?
*****When it's condensed.

21. How do you punctuate the sentence, "I saw a five-dollar bill on the street?"
*****Make a dash after it.