Guest Author - Kim Kenney
When your friend finds out her spouse has cancer, she will need you more than ever. Here are some things you can do to help her through.
1. When your friend calls to tell you her husband has cancer, it will be one of the worst calls of your life. Even if the prognosis is good, many things will change for your friend, and for you. She may be in denial. She may be confused about what the doctors have told them. She may be angry, upset, or both. The best thing you can do is to listen. Let her talk. Let her cry. She will appreciate the chance to let it all out.
2. No matter what, ALWAYS stay positive. When a cancer crisis hits your life, you hear all kinds of stories. Some people make it. Some people don't. Telling your friend about those who lost their battle with cancer will not help. There is also no point in sharing complications from treatment with her. Everyone reacts to treatment differently, so don't add to her list of things to worry about. Filter the stories you share with her. It helps to hear about the people who beat cancer. And there will be plenty of those stories too.
3. Be specific when you offer to help. Don't say, "Call if there is anything I can do." She probably has no idea what you can do. Don't put the ball in her court -- keep it in yours. Offer to pick up a pizza for dinner, or to let her dog out while they are at the doctor's office having tests. Small acts of kindness will be very much appreciated.
4. If there will be a hospital stay involved, offer to go with her, even if you think she will say no. Your support may be the most important thing to her as she sits in the waiting room. She may need to spend the night at the hospital, and it is always nicer to have a friend sleeping in the chair next to you.
5. Help her pass on information to mutual friends. Ask her who she would like you to call, and what kind of information she wants you to share. She will appreciate your offer to keep other friends informed.
6. Most cancer patients will require chemotherapy, radiation treatments, or both. After surgery, your friend will continue to need your support as she faces the continuing challenge of curing the cancer. Offer to drive her and her husband to appointments, or to take care of everyday tasks like grocery shopping and dropping of dry cleaning while they are busy with doctor visits.
7. Caregivers often neglect their own needs. Be sure she takes time to relax and unwind. Remind her to take care of herself. Take her to lunch, go see a movie, or make an appointment to go to the spa together. She needs to stay strong, so be sure she takes time to recharge.
8. Make her a gift basket. You might want to add an inspirational book, a funny movie, bath salts and lotions, and some tea. You know your friend best. What would make her smile?
