Guest Author - Molly Carter
Many first time parents think they will instantly bond with their new baby, but this isn’t always the case. It is not uncommon for parents to feel detached from their new son or daughter. But if you focus on bonding with your baby and have a plan in place, those parental instincts will kick in sooner than you expect.
Spend as much time with baby as possible, especially right after delivery. Baby and mom are both “programmed” to be together at this time. If it’s possible, nurse the newborn in the delivery room as soon as you’re able after the birth. Doing this not only aides in nursing, but will help make baby feel safe and secure in her new environment.
Another way to increase your bonding is when you are nursing your newborn, encourage as much skin on skin contact as possible. Touch is very important in the establishment of bonding, for both mom and baby. The skin on skin contact makes baby feel secure by mimicking the environment of the womb, which is what baby has known for the last nine months. The baby will be more likely to hear the beat of your heart, which tends to be very soothing to newborns. He’ll also be able to smell you better, which is one of the first ways a newborn baby learns to recognize his mother.
Close contact with baby also helps mom by giving her a chance to learn baby’s sounds and responses. For instance, baby may make certain sounds when she’s hungry and other sounds when she’s tired. Mom will also learn what things sooth the new baby, such as a back rub when she’s cranky or fussy. Learning these cues about your newborn will increase the bonding that’s occurring between the two of you.
Talk to baby, sing to her and tell her stories. Make eye contact often. Babies are drawn to human faces and love to hear the sound of your voice. Many babies already recognize mom’s voice when they’re born. Within a few months, baby will carry on “conversations” with you, attempting to mimic the sounds you are making.
Sleeping with baby near you will also add to your bonding experience. When the baby fusses or wakes up to nurse, you will be able to respond much quicker, reinforcing the developing trust the baby has for you and increasing his ability to trust others as he grows. Room sharing with baby also encourages breast feeding and makes feeding on demand easier.
Overall, the ways to increase bonding have the same fundamental principles. Spend as much time as possible with your newborn and respond to his needs. The more time you are together, the more you will get to know one another and the stronger the bond between you will become. The more love and affection that the baby receives, the stronger your bond will become.
If you feel that you are not bonding with your baby within a few weeks, speak to your pediatrician or OB/GYN. It may be a sign of postpartum depression.
