Beer quotes are fun, and one-liners are often the best medicine for provoking thought.  They make great conversation starters, and are often used in movies as clever interjections:

• “Never ask for ‘a beer’.” – Michael Jackson, the Beer Hunter (1942-2007)
  
  

• "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." - Ernest Hemmingway in ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’
  
  

• "A bar is better than a newspaper for public discussion." - Jim Parker, discussing the importance of culture in a healthy pub setting
  
  

• "I never met a pub I didn't like." - Pete Slosberg, Pete's Brewing Company Founder
  
  

• "Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer!" - Louis Untermeyer
  
  

• "Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer." - Henry Lawson
  
  

• "I work until beer o’clock." - Steven King
  
  

• "I'm off for a quiet pint – followed by fifteen noisy ones." - Gareth Chilcott
  
  

• “There is nothing for a case of nerves like a case of beer.” - Joan Goldstein
  
  

• "A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts." - Jena Legg
  
  

• “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” - Henny Youngman
  
  

• “Twenty-four hours in a day; twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?” - Stephen Wright
  
  

• “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart
  
  

• “Well I woke up this mornin’ and I got myself a beer.” - Jim Morrison
  
  A note for those who want the real facts: This is actually one of the most mis-quoted beer phrases since Morrison's song was published. His quotation is actually, "Well I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a beard." According to the book, Light My Fire, by Morrison's colleague Ray Manzarek, the song chronicles Morrison's waking after an alleged three weeks of drug-induced sleep.
  
  

• “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” - Oscar Wilde
  
  

• “Hoppiness is Happiness.” – Victory Brewing Company Hop Wallop label
  
  

• “I will make it a felony to drink small beer.” - Shakespeare Henry IV
  
  

• “If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.” - David Daye
  
  

• “Actually, I'm a drinker with writing problems.” - Brendan Behan
  
  

• “He was a wise man who invented beer.” - Plato
  
  

• “Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.” - Homer Simpson
  
  

• “They who drink beer will think beer.” - Washington Irving
  
  

• “God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.” - Anne Sexton
  
  

• “An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.” - Confucius
  
  

• “How much beer is in German intelligence?” - Friedrich Nietzsche
  
  

• “A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.” - W. C. Fields
  
  

• “Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink.” - W.H. Davies
  
  

• "I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion." - Miguel De Cervantes
  
  

• "I do not drink more than a sponge." - Rabelais, 17th-century French satirist
  
  

• "I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds." - Ernest Hemingway
  
  

• “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” - George F. Burns, American comedian (1896-1996)
  
  

• “The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.” - Richard Braunstein
  
  

• “Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot: Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat.” - attributed to David Geary
  
  

• “Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your beer.” - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill, to which he replied, "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
  
  

• “Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink.” Sign at Whitstran Brewery, Prosser, Washington, USA
  
  

• “You can't have a Real Country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.” - Frank Zappa
  
  

• “An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.” – Anonymous
  
  

• “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” - Dave Barry
  
  

• “Relax. Don’t worry. Have a homebrew.” – Charlie Papazian
  
  

• “We'll raise up our glasses against evil forces singin': Whiskey for my men, and beer for our horses.” - Toby Keith and Willie Nelson
  
  

• “A good local pub has much in common with a church, except that a pub is warmer, and there's more conversation.” - William Blake

Although this one last poem is not about beer, it is one of my all-time favorites, by a sagacious and brilliant wit, a member of the Algonquin Round Table in New York City:

• "I like to have a Martini
  Two at the very most-
  After three I'm under the table,
  After four I'm under my host." - Dorothy Parker(1893-1967)

Cheers!

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