Guest Author - Les Shulman
There are numerous forms of religious rituals: services, sacraments, confirmations, sanctifications, oblations, unctions, libations, masses, rites, and ceremonies. Some people may think that atheists and agnostics since they personally reject religious dogma and religious tradition would always disdain from observing or participating in any form of religious ritual. However, the majority of atheists and agnostics do not lead isolated/insulated lives, are caring individuals, and whose social domains may consist of a broad spectrum of family, friends, and acquaintances whose belief systems may vary greatly from their own.
Consequently, at various times they may choose to either be a spectator at or a participant at such “rituals” as christenings, bar mitzvahs, posadas, weddings, and/or funerals. Most often, their attendance and extent of participation would depend on the contextual circumstances and what takes precedence vis-a-vis their priorities. Additionally, as I a humanistic naturalistic atheistic agnostic have been, they may be asked by loved ones to perform or be involved (if, as in my case, after one’s eventual death/cessation of existence can be considered to be “involvement”) in specific non-service-related rituals.
Many years prior to her death, my never married and childless aunt Sylvia who was an atheist and who also considered herself to be culturally Jewish called me up with a request- one that my older brother, an agnostic (who also considered himself to be culturally Jewish of which I do not consider myself to be) had unbeknownst to me at that time had refused her on the grounds that it would be “hypocritical” for him to do so. She asked me if on the anniversary of her death would I be willing to light for her a memorial candle, a century’s old Jewish custom. Immediately without hesitation, I responded, “sure, give me the date now and I will put it on my calendar.”
Well, obviously she could not give me the date of her eventual death then, but for well over a decade now, on the anniversary of her death, portentously or not, on the Ides of March, March 15th, I have always lit a candle in her memory and in a non-prayer-like manner take a moment to fondly remember her. Do I consider myself “hypocritical” for doing so? Unlike my brother, definitely not! My world-class kvetch of an aunt who had unconditionally loved her only two nephews (she had no nieces) had made, from my point of view, an uncharacteristic (or was it, culturally speaking?) yet simple request, and deserved to be “unconditionally honored.” In this case, her wishes and peace of mind took precedence over my personal belief system with no feeling on my part that I had been compromised. As an atheistic agnostic, I am also reasonably (make that extremely!) sure that I will not be damned to hell for doing so!
Similarly, I have decided to honor my wife’s wishes concerning the “fate” of my ashes-cremation being my preference- upon my ceasing to exist. You see, Maria, although raised as a Catholic, is a New Age highly spiritual individual who does not adhere to established religious dogma but rather establishes “her own traditions.” Since I have stated in a non-hypocritical fashion that my favorite building in Mexico, architecturally-speaking as I particularly admire the visual effects created as the midday sun passes through its gorgeous stained glass windows, is the Cathedral/”Unfinished Sanctuary” in nearby Zamora, Michoacan, Maria may determine to place the urn with my ashes there. That would not be my first choice but since that edifice has special significance to her (as my first choice would be to spread my ashes on the beach in not so nearby Bandon, Oregon) in regards to her memories of me and her being able to periodically “visit” me, I have no qualms about her doing so in a “religious setting” for non-religious reasons.
Hence, myself along with many atheists and agnostics are oftentimes in situations where some level of involvement is required in certain situations where religious rituals are involved . It is up to the individual “non-believer” to determine what her/his comfort level is in those cases. Sometimes you just have to put your “ego” aside, and do, as long as it is reasonable, what is in the best interest of your loved ones. Isn’t that, after all, what life and death at times is about regardless of your belief system?
Just please, do not ask me to ritualistically give up eating shellfish and pork as that would be decidedly unreasonable, unbearable, and unthinkable!
