Let’s start off this month’s edition of dumb criminals with a story of sweet, sweet, justice.

In 2014, a man named Bradley Hardison was arrested in Elizabeth City, North Carolina. He was wanted for breaking into a couple of homes. The Camden County Sheriff’s Department police had been trying to get him for nine months and bring him in for questioning. How did they finally get him? He won a doughnut eating contest against police and firemen during the Elizabeth City Police Department’s National Night Out Against Crime. Bradley Hardison had eaten eight doughnuts in in two minutes. A local news report brought Hardison to the attention of a sheriff’s lieutenant named Max Robeson.
Apparently when the sheriff’s department brought Hardison in for questioning, Lieutenant Robeson congratulated Hardison on his win the prior night and then arrested him for his connections with the break-ins. People, if you commit a crime and are eluding police, do not show up at a police sponsored event and beat them, in all things, a doughnut eating contest.

If you ask the police what one of their most dangerous calls to respond to is, they will all probably tell you that a domestic violence call is the answer. When they get called to a domestic violence call, they have no idea what to expect when they arrive. The assaulter could be on drugs and have a dangerous weapon and assault the police or both parties can be mad when the police come and both end up attacking the police. In another story out of North Carolina, police responded to a domestic violence call in Gaston County and ended up arresting both parties and charged them with assault. Their weapon of choice? Pizza Rolls.

That’s right, when the police arrived at the call they found Brad Beard, 24 and Samantha Canipe, 21, throwing pizza rolls at each other. Beard was charged with assault on a female and if founf guilty, could face up to 60 days in jail or community service or even possibly both, depending on the judge’s ruling, if he is found guilty of the charge. Canipe was charged with simple assault and is facing 30 days in jail or community service or both, depending on the judge’s ruling, if she is found guilty of the charge. The report doesn’t say if the pizza rolls were cooked first or not.

How do you like your burritos? Do you like tortilla shells wrapped around meat, cheese, and beans and with a little salsa on them? How about tortilla shells wrapped around methamphetamines? That’s right, a woman was stopped at the Mexican/US border in Arizona carrying what looked to be a bagful of burritos. When a drug dog alerted the border police, they took the woman in for questioning and then found the tortilla shells were just wrapped around methamphetamines. She said she was paid five hundred dollars to bring the drugs across the border. Each burrito shell contained about a pound of meth. The woman said she knew the drugs were in there and was supposed to deliver them to an unknown third party in Tucson. The street value of the meth-itos is around 3,000 dollars.