Guest Author - Jacqueline Geller
Children learn at an early age to assert their independence. As they get older, they want to be treated as adults, but have no clue as to where to begin this process.
The family meeting is a teachable time for moms to help their children assert their individuality within the safety of the family unit.
It also is the perfect venue for teachable moments and firm messages. It is here that our children get a taste of the family process and learn to make responsible decisions.
The family meeting can take place any time, but should happen at the same time on the same day every week. All family members need to be present, so when choosing a time and day, make sure that everyone is available. No ifs, ands or buts.
After dinner is a perfect time. Why not order in pizza to create a festive atmosphere?
While the beginning is always tough, it helps to have an agenda ready so that issues can be discussed in sequence.
The kids should be allowed to bring their own issues to the table also. Ground rules, such as no yelling, interrupting or walking away need to be established.
After a few times of showing that you mean business, the meetings start to flow better and much more can be accomplished.
At my house, we took turns chairing the meetings, working our way down from oldest to youngest. Whoever chaired the meeting could bring up his/her items first. We discussed each issue as it came up. Everything was considered with equal respect, no matter who brought it to the table. For the first couple of months, I wasn't sure that I would have the patience to go on. The meetings were more like excuses to argue with each other.
However, when it was my turn to speak, I would always have a situation on the agenda that I wanted decided as a family. For instance, since I was a single parent and received no child support, money was always an issue. I never wanted the kids to know how hard the struggle was; however, they did need to realize that basics were provided and extras were negotiable. Their input on a budget issue, such as brand names versus store brands at the grocery store, for example, as a way to save money, gave them ownership of our household finances.
Chipping in more extensively with chores so that I could take on extra work was done without as much complaint as soon as they realized that they were helping to keep the family together by doing so. Realizing the whys and the hows goes a long way toward garnering cooperation.
Messages on issues can be imparted at the family meeting as well. Keeping the family together and sticking with each other, no matter what, has reinforced our unconditional love for one another.
As the kids grew older, discussions could range from who is having a party on Friday night to teenage drinking and the consequences and dangers. Moral and social issues were argued over, as well as how ww would get three people back and forth to work with one car on a weekend.
After five years of doing this weekly, many times there was nothing to discuss, but we spent that hour or two together as a unit. The family meeting time was "ours." We reminisced, discussed issues on the news, teased each other and, in general, had a good time.
We would tell each other our plans for the week, look to each other for advice and, occasionally, Mom would provide a sage answer to some pressing problem. Just as often, however, when a problem arose, the children learned to come up with a solution on their own. Those times were when I was very happy that I managed to keep on going.
