Guest Author - Barbara Merkord
It might be hard to fathom how your children might know more about your orientation that you, however, oftentimes in your process of coming out to your children you will find that they will stop you and tell you that they already knew that. What’s the big deal, Mom?
It is a big deal, as we all know. We live in a society that is less than accepting of anything that happens to be out of the “norm”. In coming out to our children, it’s important to be truthful and not to sugar-coat your answers. Kids can see through it, so save your energy for “bigger fish”.
In our daily lives, we make millions of comments. These comments offer insight into who we are, and what our preferences are. Children pick up on those things as they are gifted readers of “between the lines”. However, inevitably there will come a time when you will want to sit down with them and tell them the whole truth (and nothing but the truth, if you please).
It helps to take them somewhere special. They are less guarded and suspicious of “the talk” if you were out at a park or shopping for a new outfit. That may seem a bit like bribery, but really its more about letting your children know that they are still important too you, and that this conversation is important too. Make it a pleasant experience for them, because not only is this a turning point for you, it is just as huge for them, at least in the beginning.
Start by asking questions: Do they know what being gay means? How do they feel about gay people? Do they know any?
Little by little you will form a picture of how you need to proceed. If they don’t know what being gay means, then you can give them your definition, and then ask them how they feel about it. If they state that they don’t like it, then ask why and give examples of all the great gay role models we have. This could be the point where you tell your child that you are gay. If they think gay people are bad, they soon won’t because Mommy and Daddy aren’t bad.
This is a tremendous process, but it’s really less scary than it feels. As with most fears, once you dive in and confront it, you will feel an amazing sense of freedom and lightness.
Don’t worry too much about your children’s reactions; they will come around if they aren’t too keen on the idea at first. More than likely you will find that they already had some idea about your orientation, and the process only gets easier from here on out.
