Fatigue, insomnia, widespread pain, muscle spasms, joint pain, headaches and the list go on and on, are all physical symptoms of fibromyalgia. But, what about the pain unseen? Loss of friends, divorce, losses of employment, financial difficulties, and the list go on and on, are all invisible to others. Sometimes we focus so much on the physical pain that we fail to remember the emotional pain that this disease causes. Many suffer for years not knowing what is exactly wrong with them and only hearing from their trusted Doctor that it’s “all in your head.”

To help you and perhaps those around you to understand this tormenting pain, I would like to share a poem that was written 7 years ago about my frustration with my life. This poem was dated in the year 2000. I was diagnosed in April 2001. So, I was feeling this frustration years before writing this poem and put it to paper 1 year prior to a Doctor diagnosing me with fibromyalgia. When I read this poem some years later, I didn’t realize that it was describing a fibromyalgia patient. It was amazing for me to see that prior to my diagnosis that I penned the words that so many feel before discovering that they have fibromyalgia. I would like to go on record by saying that this is not my best work, but are the thoughts and feelings of a tormented soul in physical and emotional pain.

This is What I Want To Be
(dedicated to sufferers of Fibromyalgia)

I live my life from days, to months, to years
I live my life in sorrow, in fear, in tears

For once in my life, this is what I want to be
Forever glad, forever jovial, forever joyous, forever happy

I have so many creative ideas in my heart and mind
My weakness within stalls my soul and the world leaves me behind

I have so many things that I want to do; want to say
But, the beast within holds my spirit captive; I can’t get away

I tire so easily; the fatigue is relentless
I can’t seem to do the dishes, sweep the floor or even get dressed

Because my heart is in pain; my body is in pain too
Doc says, “There is nothing wrong.” Are you sure this is true?

Take this pain away-tear is out from within me
For it keeps me down and low, I can’t be what I want to be

I want to be able to finish things that I start
I want to have supportive friends that love me from the heart

I want my husband to have the wife of our early years
I want my son to have a strong mother with no fears

I want to feel “normal” in the company of others
Not feel like a failure as a person, wife and mother

I want to enjoy the things that I use to do
I want to live my life to the fullest just like you

Now the question that I must ask, “is that possible for me?”
For these are the things that I really want to be