Brewers are thoughtful people. They formulate recipes, sanitize equipment in the most efficient way, make calculations, study chemistry, and evaluate each ingredient for the nuances of flavor, aroma, color or mouthfeel each may impart to their creation. They innovate, salivate, satiate and celebrate. They are Merlins of Malt; Adventurers of Amarillo; Servents of Cerevisiae. Whether they are homebrewers or professional brewers, they hold magic in their hands.

The process can be physically and mentally demanding. As the dust settles, it is time for the yeast to do its thing – time to allow maturation – time to name the creation that has demanded so much time and attention to detail.

The brewer knows that a healthy sense of humor is an essential part of the mix. Steve Schmitt, President of the Great Northern Brewers, an admirably active homebrewing group in Anchorage, Alaska, chuckles at the thought of taking himself too seriously, especially when it comes time to “title” his brew. He may become politically incorrect, but it is this very objectionable behavior that adds a layer of animated laughter and demands equal treatment for all. Says Schmitt, “My intention is to offend somebody.”

Naming a beer creation is not exactly like naming your newborn child, although the love can be just as powerful. This is when Schmitt and his colleagues adopt a slight shade of irreverence, a token of the rebellious spirit that conquered Mother Nature in the great Alaska landscape. Ever willing to share their irreverence, the Great Northern Brewers have provided a healthy list of homebrew creations to offend all:

Dump Truck Load of Love – Stout
A style evolved from London Porters – Ebony body, creamy head, roasty character, bitter, with a dry finish
Morning Wood – Mead
Brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of honey flavors, sweetness, acidity, tannins, and alcohol – aged in wood
Evening Wood – Bourbon-infused Mead
Brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of honey flavors, sweetness, acidity, tannins, and aged bourbon-barrel presence
Spruce Tip Love Juice – Spiced Metheglin
Brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of honey flavors, sweetness, acidity, tannins, spices, and alcohol
Tinky Winky Gets Winky – Belgian Dubbel
A title chosen in honor of a Nursery Rhyme – The Belgian Dubbel style originated in monasteries of the Middle Ages – Deep crimson, malty and complex
Foschizzle My Tripel – Belgian Tripel
Named in honor of Snoop Dog – A style that was originally developed at Westmalle Trappist monastery – golden, spicy, soft alcoholic presence, and layers of complexity
The Nasty Soccer Mom – Belgian Pale Ale
Light, earthy, spicy, with a lightly sweet, Pils malt character
The Hot Goth Chick – Imperial Stout
Ebony, intensely flavored, roasty, fruity, bittersweet, with a noticeable alcoholic presence
Lap Dance – Mead
Brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of honey flavors, sweetness, acidity, tannins, and alcohol
Double Mint Twins – Double Mint Mead
Brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of minty flavors, honey sweetness, acidity, tannins, and alcohol
Table Dance – Red Currant Mead
Brewed primarily from honey and red currants – with a balance of fruit acidity, honey flavors, sweetness, tannins, and alcohol
Lesbian Love Fest – Cyser
An apple melomel, brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of apple sweetness, honey flavors, acidity, tannins, and alcohol
Elmo Goes to the Liquor Store – Mead
Brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of honey flavors, sweetness, acidity, tannins, and alcohol
Blonde Beaver Ale – Blonde Ale
Light straw color, biscuit malt character, light fruitiness, and medium hop aroma

Ultra Thin & Ribbed – Altbier
Traditional style of beer from Düsseldorf – well balanced, bitter, yet malty, well attenuated
Fairview Crack House Cyser – Cyser
An apple melomel, brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of apple sweetness, honey flavors, acidity, tannins, and alcohol
Balls on the Wall – Mead
Tribute to Dr. Seuss - Brewed primarily from honey – with a balance of honey flavors, sweetness, acidity, tannins, and alcohol
Cold Heart Bitch – Braggot
A blended honey-and beer-character – with a balance of maltiness, honey flavors, sweetness, acidity, tannins, and alcohol

Offensiveness intended, so don’t lose any sleep over it. A good time was had by all who let it roll off their backs!

Cheers!