Guest Author - Neville Sexton
I’m in a curious position at the moment. I’m sure many have found themselves in a similar state at one time or another, but I find myself drifting along with no sense of direction or purpose. It is not the first time I’ve had this feeling – just the most recent – and it’s an uncomfortable, draining experience.
You see, since the New Year began I’ve been pretty much absorbed with the notion and then the activity of writing a book about my son and his life, Not Long Til Friday. Thinking, writing and editing this book has filled my thoughts and days since that time and it gave me such drive and structure. The problem is that I sent it off to an agent almost two weeks ago and since then I’ve been kinda lost. Devoid of any real purpose or challenge the days are long and cumbersome. It’s like the last few months have been a fast whitewater ride but now I’ve reached a plateau of calm slow moving water. All activity has ceased and I’m beginning to stagnate.
As people we need motivation and interest to keep us going, to push us. When zest abandons us and we’re left only with the dry pithy rind, there is an emptiness that moves in and poisons the mind. We need challenges and goals to strive for and to keep us focussed and forward moving. When there is nothing, you are left with nothing. The mind largely needs to spend its time directed outward, forward and not be allowed to dwell inwardly where introspection can too often lead to a breeding frenzy for negative thoughts. We are inherently creatures of action and drive so we flourish when both are plentiful in our lives.
So I find myself in this horrible foggy no-man’s-land lost, confused and . . . afraid: afraid for the future, afraid for the present. Of course I’m hopeful that Craig’s book will be taken by the agent and eventually get published. I’ll be so happy for Craig: Happy that his life’s story will touch so many others when they read it; happy that the world will know that he was here – that he lived, and that his light burnt fiercely. That is all I want for him.
But what of the future for me and my family here? Where will life’s current bring us next? None of us know this I suppose – that’s life’s mystery. That's what scares us too? But I guess we all just keep drifting along on this peculiar voyage they call living. That's the only certainty . . .
