Being gay isn’t really something you decide. You don’t just wake up one day and think “Today I feel like being gay.” Acknowledging that you are and accepting it are things you decide, and should figure out, before having a relationship with another gay person. Deciding to become involved in a same sex relationship can sometimes be overwhelming, and choosing to label yourself as gay, straight, bi, lesbian might add more confusion to the way you are feeling about you and the person you have feelings for.

When you first start developing feelings for someone of the same gender, it is easy to feel confused and alone. Statistics right now say that about 1 in 10 people around the world have, at one point or another, an attraction to the same sex. You don’t choose who you are attracted to, it is just part of who you are. It is important to remember that being gay or straight doesn’t change who you are. You will still be you, and you are not alone.

Don’t label yourself to early. You might have spent your life as a straight woman, fall in love with a woman, but not want to identify yourself as a lesbian, because you only love one woman. It is ok to feel unsure. Everyone doesn’t have to fall into a category of straight, gay, lesbian or bi. One word simply cannot sum up how complex we are. People are fluid, we adapt and change throughout our life depending on what we go through, and what we need at the time. Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling, and what you want and need in a relationship.

Honesty should be a main component of any healthy relationship, but honesty is especially important when beginning your first gay/lesbian relationship. Be honest and open with your partner about your relationship with them and the new feelings you are experiencing. It is common for people who are first coming into a gay/lesbian relationship to become serious very early. Give yourself time to develop the feelings you are having and try not to rush anything.

Most importantly remember that life is complicated. People are complicated. Although labels are a good way to identify yourself, to you and others, it is not always accurate to assume because you have a connection with someone that it means you are gay. Love is no longer defined by gender, nor should it be. Try not to put to many expectations on this new development in your life. Keep your heart open, be happy and enjoy that you have love in your life.