Too many times I have heard women promise aloud not to have sex anymore until they are married. Often they are older than 35. Sometimes they say it at the end of a relationship. As in maybe if I hadn’t he would have respected me more. Other times they are repentant about previous sexual activity and worried about the spiritual impact of sex outside of marriage. Sometimes they are worried about the double standard. The rules go something like this, for men sexual activity is proof of prowess and for women sex just means you have loose morals.

Women enjoy sex at least as much as men do. And sometimes, whether you are intimate or not, some relationships just don’t work out. The choice to be intimate is obviously a personal one but certainly responsible, clear-headed women can make that choice without fear of eternal damnation or being branded with a scarlet letter.

This is what I am more concerned about. Women rarely discuss the choice to be, or not to be, intimate in terms of physical health or quality of life. Unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease can have an enormous impact on even the most stable life.

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) one of every four women in the United States is living with HIV. For their purposes women includes all females 13 and older. The rate of infection is higher among women of color.

Plan B, the commonly called “morning after” emergency contraception pill will soon be available to everyone from the local pharmacy without a prescription.

What do these two facts mean? Pretending we are not going to have sex can be dangerous. When women refuse to even consider that they might change their minds in the moment and become intimate, they may be putting their lives at risk.

The choice to be chaste is easy when chatting with friends. Making the vow then is somewhat akin to promising to diet when you are full. What happens to your decision when you are hungry? If you don’t have healthy snacks you are likely to binge on foods that don’t help your diet. If you don’t have condoms you might just find yourself having to worry about much more than your reputation. Even if you choose to be chaste, be prepared just in case.