Guest Author - Emily Wilska
It's no secret that disorganization can make a home or office less comfortable and more stressful. This is especially true when there's a divide between how one person in the space--say, half of a partnership at home, or someone on a work team in the office--feels differently about organization than someone else who's also using the space does. What might feel painfully cluttered and out of control to one person might feel normal and comfortable to someone else. Bridging that divide is a critical step in maintaining harmony both within your relationships and within your spaces. Here's how to make peace with the differently organized people in your life.
Give up on Right and Wrong
For those who are very organized and who feel that they reap the rewards of that organization day in and day out--more efficiency, no time wasted looking for things, and so on--it can be tempting to think that less organized folks just need to see the light. On the flip side, people who are comfortable with spaces and systems that on the surface might not seem to be quite as organized may wish that the more orderly folks in their lives would lighten up a bit.
Both sides will find tough going--and possibly some serious resistance--if they try to sway others to their view. Sure, those who are somewhat disorganized may be willing and able to learn a few new organizing skills, and those who have organization running through their veins may be OK with making peace with a bit of disorder, but it's not accurate to call one side "right" and the other "wrong," and it's productive to expect either side to change completely. Acknowledge that organizing styles are informed by our histories, our personalities, the logistics of our lives, and dozens of other factors, and do what you can to accept the others in your life as they are organizationally.
Allot Each Person Space
When I work with couples or co-workers who have very different organizing styles, one of the first things I do is help them identify spaces in their homes or offices where each person can let his or her own organizing style run rampant. Ideally, these spaces are separate rooms, or at least clearly delineated spots, with doors that can be closed or dividers that can be put up--a home office, a den, a basement workspace, a cubicle. Each person gets to do whatever he or she wants within his or her space, whether that means spreading things out on each surface and letting stacks pile up or putting everything away in a labeled drawer and maintaining a Zen aesthetic. These spaces are criticism-free zones: if you don't like the way your partner or co-worker uses the space, retreat to your own space.
Meet in the Middle on Common Areas
In most cases, organizationally different couples or co-workers will need to share at least a few common spaces. These spaces require a good deal of compromise: the more strictly organized person in the equation may need to develop a sense of comfort with having the occasional jacket tossed over the back of a chair or mail and keys stacked on a hallway table, while the more loosely organized person may need to make a bit of extra effort to become aware of that jacket and stack of mail and take the time to put them where they belong.
I'm also a big fan of extending the "allot each person space" technique to common areas, by way of storage furniture like bookcases, cabinets, and drawer units. In a common area, you might have a cabinet in which each person gets to do as he or she pleases, whether that means storing things in a very particular order or simply opening a door and dropping stuff inside. Again, your challenge here is to focus on maintaining your own space/furniture just as you'd like it and to allow your partner or co-worker the same opportunity.
Dealing with Severe Cases
Though the techniques above can bring harmony to many relationships in which there are differing ideas about organization, there are some cases that likely require professional help. If you live or work with a hoarder or severe clutterer--someone who accumulates vast quantities of things that have little to no use (hundreds of margarine tubs, scraps of wrapping paper, hundreds of old newspapers, and so on) and who has severe difficulty letting go of anything--it will likely be impossible to allot that person his or her own space and maintain a neutral middle ground in common areas. Hoarders require specialized mental health care, and until that care is in place, you, as the person's partner or colleague, will likely feel hopeless against the situation. For more information on hoarding and finding help, visit the website of the NSGCD (National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization).
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If you live or work with someone whose organizing style is very different from yours, try putting these techniques into practice. Over time, they can help eliminate stress from your relationship, bring more harmony to your space, and bring a greater sense of calm and balance to your everyday life.
