If you have come out of a long relationship it is important to honor yourself, and any grieving you need to do. It can be tough when a relationship ends, especially a long term one or something that was forced on you, or you didn’t see it coming.

When you are in this situation, it is not a good idea to start pursing another relationship. This is a great opportunity to look after yourself, review the relationship to understand what went wrong, and to discover your part in the relationship breakdown.

Many people will tell you to get back out there and start dating again. This can sometimes work, however, when you are still reeling from a break up, it is difficult to be fully emotionally available to be with another person.

How do you know when you are ready to be in a relationship again? Here are some thoughts that may help you to decide:

* If you are still angry and hurting over the break up, then you have some unresolved issues you need to deal with. It is not healthy to blame your ex for all the problems, you also had a part to play. Can you see where you may have added to the situation? Take responsibility for your part in a kind and compassionate way.

* Do you have some limiting beliefs about men that keeps you attracting the same type of man? Are you repeating old patterns that are not serving you having the relationship you want? If so, being single is a great time to explore and resolve that. When you uncover what your beliefs about being in a relationship are; for example, "I’m not good enough", "I’m not safe", or "I don’t matter", then you will be able to identify the unconscious behaviors that are supporting that belief.

* Have you recently left a marriage and got a lot of ‘stuff’ to sort out? Such as the divorce, living arrangements, children or other family matters? If so, then you owe it to yourself to focus on sorting that before embarking on a relationship with someone else. It is unfair to involve another in your ‘mess’? It may be that you are still embroiled emotionally with them and you are still having to make time for them in your life for whatever reasons. Once that is all taken care of, finding out who you are outside of the marriage, and what you want the next part of your life to be like is the kindest thing to do for yourself, and your future partner.

* Do you still think about your ex? Are you still crying over the lost relationship? Do you talk about them all the time? You may need to grieve and let it all go to allow you to start to feel good about yourself again. The break up does not define you or who you are. It does not mean that you are a failure or not good enough either. It does mean that you tried, and now you have an opportunity to review what happened, and to redefine what relationships mean to you. Use the time to heal, and prepare for your next relationship.

* Are you feeling lost? Do you have a life of your own? Did you feel that your last relationship defined you? If so, now is a good time to make a life for yourself. Do the things you enjoy, and the things that you may have given up to be in a relationship. Take up new hobbies and find out who you really are, so you can live an authentic life based on your values, and beliefs about yourself.

Taking time out for yourself to deal with unresolved emotional issues after a break-up can help you to be the proverbial phoenix that rises out of the ashes. You will be stronger, more in tune with yourself, and more able to be in a healthy and beautiful relationship. If you are feeling overwhelmed by a break up, there is no shame in seeking professional advice, and guidance to help you through. Support groups can be helpful too, plus you will meet new people who are going through similar experiences.