It is amazing to watch growing children as they begin to control and carve out their life’s future. Easily caught up in the day-to-day amazement, we don’t often witness our children leaving their little lives behind. They grow big. They mature (kind of). They grow out of their “baby” ways.

Suddenly, we realize they are no longer the children they used to be and our relationship and purpose in their lives has changed. We can cry. We can savor. We can witness with a bit of delight and a bit of sorrow.

Thankfully, I have one starting to ‘leave me behind’ but I still have one on the edge of baby. My oldest has reminded me to watch my youngest closely and carefully as she blossoms. Here are some of the things I cherish every time they happen, for I know it might be the last time.

My daughter was recently sick with a fever and a nasty cough. I asked if she wanted me to rock her, and she said yes. That’s pretty much all I did for three days. I recognized that this might be the last illness I could rock her through. There is no way my oldest child could sit in my lap even if he wanted to. I could probably sit in his though.

That same oldest child did not read to himself until he was in fifth grade. He had no interest in sitting down to read a book but loved when I read to him. I kept in contact with his teachers who said as long as he comprehended what we were reading and moving forward in school, it was fine. I no longer read to him though, sometimes, I catch him and his 12-year old brother listening as I read to the “littles” (our name for the two youngest). I do still read to the littles every night, and – rather than being bothered by the time consumed – I try to enjoy every moment of it.

There was a time I controlled my children’s wardrobes, and – truthfully – I’m a little conflicted as to whether or not I miss this. There was an ease to being able to pick out an outfit or to know that all the clothes I bought would be worn. Now, nothing irks me more than discovering neglected, practically new shirts or pants hanging in the depths of my children’s closets.

Walking my children to school is another quickly disappearing motherly task. Child number one leaves for his bus at the same time the rest of the clan is waking up. Child number three gets ready as quickly as he can, stands with his backpack on in front of the clock, and rushes out the door the second it changes to the time he is allowed to leave. He would let me walk with him, but I have two other children to get out the door. Child number two does not allow me to walk to school with him – or stand on his side of the playground – or speak to him on school property (a bit of an exaggeration… but just a bit). Sometimes, he finds it humorous when I announce that I will walk with him and hold his hand on the way to school. Sometimes, he is annoyed – and frightened. The girl? The baby? She still walks with me every day. She still holds my hand, but I can see that the grasp is getting looser, and it won’t last much longer.

Helping children with homework is something I treasure with my little ones. Though, I must admit, they are in a Spanish immersion program and I often rely on Google Translate to help me help them. My favorite subject is Spelling because the boy who won’t talk to me at school always asks me to test him on Spelling – even though he knows the words by heart after reading through them once. The oldest son? I don’t even bother. I send him to dad or Kahn Academy. My brain just doesn’t go there.

I distinctly observe the 13-year old as he begins to know more than mom and dad and does not hesitate to let us know this. I call my parents to apologize for my teen years frequently. I also watch my children – all four of them – run to the door when their dad comes home from work. I love that they all still attack him and hope he knows that it can disappear in an instant.

As my children grow older and our relationships evolve and change, I simultaneously love the new and long for the old. Watching a child grow and develop and unfold is an amazing experience. May we all have the astuteness to watch closely, cherish deeply, and mindfully be a part of each moment.