There are certain absolute truths a mother uncovers upon entering parenthood. These (murphy) laws of motherhood shock us every time and throw us off the solid guard we usually stand. No matter how many times we witness these infinite principles, we still don’t believe them.

When mom consciously decides to leave the empty toilet paper roll for the next person to take care of, she will be the next person. Without fail.

When mom gets tired of picking up the pile of clothes-left-on-the-floor-after-showering-or-bathing and decides to leave it there for its rightful owner to pick up, it will not be picked up. In fact, the pile will only grow.

When mom carves out a chunk of her day to prepare a well-rounded and complete family dinner, no one will eat it.

When mom boasts to her friend about the 8 hours of sleep her newborn baby gave her the night before or about the toddler who settled down immediately for a four hour nap or the older children’s smooth bedtime routine - perfection will crumble. Immediately. That very night. Rule number one - never boast about sleeping children. Don’t even talk about it.

When mom thinks she is on top of her game - that she has checked the homework of all her children (and the neighbor’s children who are spending the afternoon over), that she has bathed all her children before bedtime, that things are all in order - something… there is always something that mom will realize she forgot to do. Like, feed the children dinner.

When she finally decides to wash the children’s bedsheets, something will happen to immediately dirty them. Her 12-year old child who hasn’t wet the bed in eight years will pee in his sleep. Her daughter might throw up in the middle of the night or fall asleep with a marker in her bed. Proceed with caution.

The child who is so difficult to wake up for school during the week will be up at the crack of dawn on the weekend - when mom actually has the opportunity to sleep in.

Moms, don’t ask your toddler to perform that cute little dance or recite the a,b,c’s in front of other people. She won’t.

The second mom puts her head on the pillow for the night, her children (now aged ten and older) will come into her room needing something. Yes, night time needs are eternal. They merely evolve.

Her children will behave better than perfectly for the babysitter. Except for the time that they don’t. And the sitter quits because she can’t handle it.

When moms leave their children in the care of their husbands, something is going to happen. Her four-year-old child might run away because he doesn’t want to go to school. Her toddler will draw a blue line around the entire house - the walls, the floors, the cabinets - while dad is bathing the baby. Her children will not go to bed on time. How do I know? Do you really need to ask?

When mom mops the floors after weeks of ignoring dirty spots, something is going to spill - immediately - even if no one recognized the floor was clean in the first place.

Hugging children before you leave for the first night out with your partner in a long time? Not a good idea. Child is going to puke, sneeze, or vomit all over you. It’s a given.

When mom comes home sick from work and needs to climb in bed, everyone in the family will need something from her.

“If you love them, you will see the beauty in it all.” - Amy Roberts of Raising Arrows

End of story.

All anecdotes above have been proven true…. by my family.