Do I Need Help?

Go through this list and be honest. Anything here apply to you?

Don’t laugh as much
Friends and family don’t include you as often
The music has stopped
Haven’t touched crafts in a while
Hardly ever tinker in the shop or garage
Don’t enjoy work as much
Increase in physical discomfort
Physical exercise nearly at a standstill
Food is boring
Email inbox is stuffed
Bills and paperwork need to be done
Church doesn’t inspire me lately
Haven’t gone out with co-workers in a while
Nothing good to read
Get annoyed easily
Frequent, small injuries
Increase in smoking, alcohol or drug use
Weight change
Less enthusiastic at kids’ functions
Tendency to cancel plans, not make any more
Can’t remember when your last hair appointment was
Increased need for sex, decrease in affection
Can’t stand quiet/noise
Change in sleep pattern
Increased time in front of the tv
Not on the phone as much
There are blue fuzzy things in the fridge
Can’t remember the last time you got dressed up
Holidays/birthdays are dreaded, ignored
Your pets have become a nuisance
You get busy early, and keep busy until you fall into bed
Dreams are different
Your living space looks like a tornado hit, and you don’t care
The inside of your vehicle looks like a tornado hit, and you don’t care

Well, how many made you say “Hmmmmm” ?

Many people are of the opinion that you take what life gives you, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. To seek professional help is a sign of weakness, even a cause for shame.

Some buy into the corporate culture that says in three days you should be “over it”, and back to work, the same person you were before. The inability to meet that unrealistic goal brings stress and guilt.

Perhaps you have not experienced the loss of a person, and think you have no reason to be grieving. You need to know that many life changes cause grief. Job change or loss, moving, natural disasters, kids leaving home, school ending, illness, pet loss – the list is much longer. The mourning is real.

“I’m fine” you say. “True, I don’t feel happy. But I don’t feel sad or depressed, either.” The problem is you’re not feeling at all. Your emotions are flat lined. You have not begun the grief process, or are stuck and can’t move forward.

And this is very dangerous.

Do you see yourself anywhere in that list?

Has anyone said “Come with us, you need to get out” or “Are you sure you’re okay?” or “Call me if you want to talk” ?

Ding ding ding! It’s time to get a clue.

The first steps are easier than you think, and you can even stay in your jammies.

Call someone. Anyone. Friend, acquaintance, professional – just call. If they ask why you’ve called, simply say “I need to talk, and need you to lead the conversation.” You don’t have to talk about what’s going on in your life, unless you want to. A discussion of the migration path of African Swallows will work, if it jump starts your brain.

When you feel ready, ask your phone friend to help you connect with a professional. If you’re not quite up to licensed people and insurance claims, call a grief counselor. Phone book or internet can help you locate one in your area. These first contacts can also be by phone.

You don’t have to be a church member anywhere to call on clergy. They may be a good resource, if they have grief training. Not all do. Not all have the gift or inclination for it. So don’t assume – ask if that’s one of the things they do. If not, they will certainly refer you. Write the info down and use it. If a clergy person suggests a home visit, welcome it. If, and only if, you have the financial resources, a small donation to the church is appropriate, but not required. If one clergy person brushes you off, call a different one.

Eventually, a support group will be invaluable. But not until you’re ready, or until someone who loves you drags you to it, kicking and screaming.

Basically, ask “Do I feel like myself? Has anyone mentioned that I’m not myself lately?” It may well be time to reach out. There is no shame to it, it’s a very healthy decision.
You can also begin The Tasks of Grief at home in your jammies. Check out the article on the Bereavement page by that title.

Start small, but start.

There is hope. You can, once again, feel

Shalom.