Guest Author - Paula Petrie
I believe teaching and maintaining “Emotional Intelligence” is going to become the prescribed parenting norm. Psychologists generally feel that meeting our own emotional needs and helping others to do the same could solve many world problems.
It is reported that a top request from suicidal teens is for someone to listen to them. And studies have revealed that listening has proven medicinal power.
Of course we all feel better, we suffer less anxiety and we can more readily find a healthy perspective when we believe that we have someone who listens to what we say. Having someone who cares about how we feel; at least tries to understands us, and wants to help us understand ourselves, allows us to feel safe.
Many of our basic needs including being listened to, especially for children, depends on the cooperation of those around us. Listening to children lets them feel the satisfaction of being heard and they get a sense that you want to understand them. They develop self worth, and from this learn to respect themselves.
Listening requires tapping into a child's underlying feelings, to help that child understand the emotion causing his reaction to a particular situation. When you listen to how a child states that he feels, while also gaining a sense of the underlying emotion, this child learns that his feelings do matter.
For children to let off stress, gain perspective, and share excitement, they need an attentive listener. Being otherwise occupied or wearing a distracted frown sends the message that what they have to say is unimportant.
Giving too much direction or advice can generate feelings of uncertainty and confusion. Ask children for their own insights, and build a conversation by blending your thoughts with theirs. Then children will grow in the belief their opinions are valued.
Sometimes the best knowledge you can offer is in the form of confidence building. Directing children to find solutions, or perspective, inside themselves helps them become self-reliant.
Building bridges by listening creates a strong healthy connection for children to share dreams, fears, and guilt, (present or past,) and the confidence to ask embarrassing questions. On the other hand, feelings that are ignored and misunderstood are painful and frustrating for children and could lead to very emotional reactions.
We listen with our ears, our eyes, and our hearts. We see sparkle, smiles, frowns of frustration, and suppressed embarrassment. We sense emotions. Words deliver perspective. Together, these insights bring understanding. Listening is sharing. When we are good listeners we are teaching our children to become good listeners, as well.
