Guest Author - D. Lynn Byrne, Ph.D.
When I finished my bachelor's degree, I was a little lost. I'd spent the last 3 years having my life planned and directed for me and all of a sudden found myself without a road-map. I had a job, but was it what I wanted? Where was I going? What was I doing? I'd lost my footing and my direction; and didn't feel at all secure in my new-found "independence." I was in the midst of what Christine Hassler refers to as a "Twenty-Something Crisis."
It took me a bit to figure out where I was headed. I tried a little of this and that and jumped with both feet into full-time work and full-time graduate studies without much thought at all to work-life balance. I've since learned that there are processes in this madness we call life that can help us achieve a work-life balance.
Process Phase One
Recognize that there isn't a series of discreet, unrelated steps to get from point A to point Z. In life, everything is intertwined. Finding balance and direction means discovering and defining (a) who you are, (b) what you want, and (c) the various means to obtain what you want in life.
Process Phase Two
Accept that "independence" means more than living on your own, out from under the influence of Mom/Dad or other pre-college authority figures. To secure true independence, you must build a personal foundation for security. This means that you must define what independence is for you and why you want it. You must also seek to be secure in and with yourself; and, at the same time, establish a means of successfully achieving financial security (i.e. finding paying work that you enjoy and find meaningful).
Process Phase Three
Understand that the (a) who you are, (b) what you want, and (c) the means to obtain what you want in terms of a career may differ from the who, what and how of finding and maintaining a secure, adult relationship. Healthy relationships are not a requirement for securing independence; but such relationships are a means of supporting your independence.
If you're able to work through all three phases and find you've met your definition of "independence," congratulations! I'm finding, however, that I"m never truly "done." I've gone through this process once or twice already; and am currently reassessing life. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
If you are interested in a step-by-step instructional "guide" to help you find balance and direction in your life, consider Christine Hassler's 20 Something, 20 Everything: A Quarter-Life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction (2005) from New World Library: Novato, CA.
Until next time!
Lynn Byrne
