How many times have you heard the words "You’ll change your mind!" spoken in that smug, condescending tone reserved strictly for use by busybodies and know-it-alls? These words refer, of course, to the decision not to have children.
Some women reach a turning point in their lives when they question whether they should have children. This turning point is sometimes called the Biological Time Clock as if biology dictates a basic desire in all women to have children. However, I don’t think the internal pressure that some women feel is either biological or hormonal – I believe this pressure is induced by the social pressure to be just like everybody else.
Professional women often put off childbearing until their careers are established, usually sometime during the five years surrounding their thirtieth birthdays. For women who have already decided not to have children or who are questioning whether they should have children, the years when our peers are having their first babies can be a very confusing time.
Childfree women frequently feel left out when their friends and associates begin having babies. Expectant parents are starting new lives with many exciting things to discover. Before getting caught up in the baby craving, consider whether having kids is really the right decision for you.
- Take a step back and examine your feelings closely. Does the thought of raising a child to adulthood really excite you, or are you simply envious of the attention that is being showered on your pregnant friends? That attention doesn’t last forever. Will you be happy if you’re the one left holding a diaper pail at the end of the pregnancy? Is life as a parent really what is attracting you to the idea of having children?
- Surround yourself with a variety of friends. During your late twenties and early thirties, it can seem like everyone you know is having a baby, and that often creates pressure to conform. Seek out people who don’t have kids. Whether you visit with them in real life or over the Internet, fellowship with people who are living the lifestyle you’ve chosen (or are considering choosing) is a great way to remind yourself of all the things you aren’t missing out on.
- Explore other paths to fulfillment. The busybodies and know-it-alls want you to believe that parenthood is the only means to a satisfying life. But the childfree recognize that there are many ways to find happiness. Try something new and exciting (a new hobby, a new career, a new field of study, etc.) that you’ve always wanted to do.
If what you really want is a child, none of these activities will change that desire. The thought of having kids will become even more important to you as time goes by, instead of simply evaporating as mine did.
This content was written by a Previous BellaOnline Editor who has asked to remain anonymous at this point. She has given us permission to use her content on the site but requests her privacy and cannot be contacted.
