Female stress hormones rise ominously when men don’t pitch in around the house. Male stress hormones rise when they do! According to a study conducted at the Center for the Everyday Lives of Families at the University of California, Los Angeles, (2004 and 2006), measured cortisol levels are the best lie detector tests concerning shared household tasks when both she and he work outside the house. Apparently, women live on Venus and men need to get off Uranus!

The good news is that a quantifiable hormonal evaluation explains why his feet are up while she is doing laundry, cooking or helping the kids with their homework. Awareness and knowledge of innate gender differences can lead to equitable compromises and happy relationships due to self-acceptance as well as mate-acceptance.

Since he needs a bit of quiet time to unwind from work, retreat inward as he compartmentalizes his duties, a woman can pick up the ball because she can multi-task and multi-process. Then when he has relaxed a bit, he can take over the chores while she takes her turn to unwind.

The problem occurs when women behave like martyrs, consummate over-doers who become addicted to accomplishment, “Look what I can do,” then resent it. Men don’t usually read the emotional fine print of the female mind and so, he lets her keep on doing because he believes that she apparently likes it and is good at it. Many of her verbal hints and body language are lost on him. Until of course, she withholds sex, but even then he might not see the correlation unless she explains it to him: helping with housework is the best foreplay.

To make your home a safe haven:

• Don’t allow things to be done to you! Speak up and express what you really want.
• Don’t place yourself last on the list. I do for me = I do for us.
• Accept yourself and all the people in your life the way they are. From this point you can find a compromise. Don’t ask him or her to change their nature. Be understanding and work with the person’s strengths instead of focusing on the weaknesses.
• When your beloved is stressed, ask yourself: What am I not seeing about the other side?
  
• In a relationship, when one side pushes, the other side pulls away.
• Stop pushing so hard and other person will stop pulling away.
• Don’t have a rigid time frame about getting things done. Not everyone works according to the same schedule. People have different energy cycles. Also, things don’t have to be done “a certain way.”
• If the other person is abrupt, consider that he or she has their own stressors.

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For more information on managing your stress and reclaiming your life read my book, Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life. To listen to archived radio shows with guest experts visit Turn On Your Inner Light Radio Show