The major deal breakers for many relationships like infidelity, secret spending which empties the savings account and abuse (physical or emotional) are common knowledge. However, there are small-sized habits which can insidiously chip away and ruin a relationship without you realizing the damage until it’s too late- like termites chewing up the wood beams of your home. Wouldn’t you like to be able to identify the subtleties of relationship damage when you are best able to treat them?

Here are 7 surprising relationship TERMITES and what to do about them:

• Behaving like an “only child” which means a lack of team spirit, like one person bears the brunt of most responsibilities instead of divvying it up equitably. Many case studies show that women are the typical over-doers especially when they work outside the home: The house and children become their eminent domain. Make sure to schedule specific chores with the person’s name attached to them on a visible, hanging calendar which won’t be missed – like the fridge door.
  
• Excess humility where one partner is humble and suppresses his or her needs to keep the peace. For example, your partner chides you or interrogates you like a school boy or school girl – “How much did you spend on those shoes and do you really need another pair?” You make excuses or try to hide new purchases under old ones. This inevitably leads to a simmering resentment. Stand up for yourself truthfully!
  
• A fragile sense of self, for example, not liking your body. This means more inhibited sex and a lack of self-confidence spilling over into other arenas. It takes a lot of energy for your significant other to prop you up all the time. Find an activity like exercise or a creative hobby which stimulates personal empowerment.
  
• Repetitive arguing along with being a “history teacher” triggers a “what’s the use of trying to please or change for this person?” Try complimenting what your partner does right – even if it is not how you would do it-- to show appreciation.
  
• Sarcastic humor takes a bite out of the relationship. Try humor which does not put down your partner. However, if your partner uses self-deprecating humor, this is okay because it emanates from him or her and serves as a coping mechanism.
  
• Overriding the signs of personal stress by not taking care of yourself will lead to a toxic spill. Many people don’t realize how personal stress erodes one’s true, spontaneous personality unleashing irritability, fatigue, pessimism and negativity which are absorbed by your nearest and dearest. This is why when you do for yourself, you really do for others.
  
• Your home has become a theatre where great dramas are enacted. Take it down a notch. Maybe, you should try staging comedies.

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For more information on managing your stress and reclaiming your life read my book, Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life. To listen to archived radio shows with guest experts visit Turn On Your Inner Light Radio Show