Tuesday, August 19, 2003


Well today was a lot like yesterday. I’m just stuck in such a funk. I know that this is probably to be expected considering, but I can’t say I’m happy about it. I’ve been cooking a few things to freeze for while I’m recovering. I can’t imagine living for an undetermined amount of time on fast food, yuck! Tony is worried about me because I’ve been pretty down the past couple of days, today he came home with a dozen roses and a card telling me how much he loves me. It’s nice to have someone that cares so much about what I’m going through.

I’ve been reading some of the books I bought and I just can’t believe the way some people look at hysterectomy. They actually have this mentality that once a woman has one she may as well be called a boy. As if! I’m sure the things I’m reading are contributing to my feelings right now. I was discussing this with Tony at dinner and he told me that I should stop reading that stuff, but like I told him, I have to finish it now in hopes that there will be some good news in the end. One of the ones I’m reading is a woman’s journey through a hysterectomy and recovery, I should’ve known better than to read any book on the subject that was written in 1986. I mean, I sure do hope that there have been advances in the way this kind of thing is handled since then.

I do expect to have some problems during all of this, it’s not like I expect it to be easy. And yes, I do agree that parting with one’s reproductive organs, especially when they’ve never even served their purpose is a very difficult thing to deal with, but can’t anyone write anything with a more positive outlook on the subject. How come the only things I can find are books where people are ranting and raving about how horrible hysterectomies are and how no woman in her right mind should ever allow a doctor to remove her organs? I do intend to be completely honest and document my feelings as they are, but I just can’t help but believe that I will get through this and my life will improve because of it. I’ve lived the past six years of my life feeling bad all the time, it’s been one health problem after another and I hope to God that by doing this my quality of life will be much improved. Hopefully my hopes won’t be completely shot down, but my Mom raised me to look for the positive and that’s what I intend to do. Hey, if nothing else, I’ll never have to buy “feminine products” ever again, Yay!!

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After suffering two miscarriages, Polycystic Ovarian Disease, endometriosis, and Grave’s Disease, Amanda has chosen to have a hysterectomy to relieve her pain. She had surgery on September 9, 2003.

Check back daily for new installments of “Amanda’s Story.”