When you are dating, do you find yourself choosing your partner because of the way they look? Don’t get me wrong, looks can be important, however it is compatibility that is going to carry you and your relationship further.

All too often I see people with lists of requirements for their desired partner, and expectations of how their partner ‘should be’. Mostly they are to do with how the person looks, and nothing to do with the qualities they possess. Is tall, dark and handsome really more important than, caring, kind and supportive? When you choose your partner based on looks alone, then there is no surprise that compatibility problems can soon become apparent.

An important factor to consider for woman is that we have been brought up with the fairy tale romance; the guy is always gorgeous, he is always loving towards the woman, chivalrous, and will do whatever it takes to get her. This creates an ideal in our minds, and so we can unconsciously see the handsome man, and expect that he will have the other qualities we've been led to believe he will posses.

That may sound simplistic, but associations are more powerful than you realise. Patterns of thinking become hardwired in our brains; limiting beliefs and dysfunctional ways of thinking are mostly created out of the unconscious associations we have.

This can create a ‘back to front’ way of seeing things, so instead of getting to know the guy, what he stands for, what he wants from life, and whether he is a good partner to join you on your journey; many are discounted because of the way they look, and are immediately ‘friend zoned’ .

Good looks won’t get you through the tough times; honesty, and an ability to express yourself openly with each other will take you way further.

Relationships are partnerships. A coming together of two people with the same outlook and aspirations in life, who want to share their life journey with one another. Both are valued for bringing their own unique self to the partnership, and their personal self expression. Tall, dark and handsome may sustain you for a while, although; unless he has the other qualities you need to function happily it potentially won’t be long lasting.

If you are serious about finding a long-term relationship, then dating is a great way to find out who the person is, what they stand for and if they are someone who might be more compatible with you; rather than basing everything on how they look.